Managing Parent & Athlete Expectations

A Coach’s Guide through the USA Swimming Age-Group Lens

By Mike Murray, Sharks Swim Club & The Albany Academy

If you stop and watch a younger swimmer post-set, dripping and breathing hard, with a towel slung over their shoulders, you’re seeing more than just simple training. You’re seeing a young person learning to endure, to focus on steps rather than instant results, and to lean on their teammates in moments of fatigue. Over the years, as a coach and now as an athletic director, I’ve come to believe deeply that swimming is one of our best arenas for teaching lifelong lessons, if we frame expectations well and emphasize process over time.

In this edition of the blog, I’ll bring in voices from several coaches I respect: Scott Young, Jeff Maxwell, Chuck Warner, Jerry Adams, Bob Clemmer, and Larry Van Wagner, to illustrate how different emphases (process goals, presence, consistency, strategy, precision) can all contribute to robust development.

Why We Swim: Beyond the Stopwatch

1. Water safety: truly life-saving

Swimming isn’t simply a competitive outlet; it’s a critical life skill. In many regions, accidental drowning remains a top cause of death in young children. Formal instruction and comfort in and around water substantially reduce the risk. We want our swimmers not only to race, but to be safe, confident, and capable in any aquatic environment.

2. Lifelong health & fitness

One of the beauties of swimming is its sustainability: it’s a low-impact, full-body activity that's well-suited for a lifetime of movement. As adolescents participate in structured swim training, evidence shows growth in cardiovascular fitness, motor skills, and body awareness, benefits that often carry forward into adulthood.

3. Growing resilience, teamwork, and emotional maturity

A challenging set, a difficult meet, or adjusting through coaching transitions all teach kids to manage discomfort, bounce back from setbacks, and rely on the team culture around them. These emotional and social skills: persistence, accountability, constructive feedback, are part of what I call the “invisible curriculum” of sport.

The Power of Process Goals

We often discuss outcome goals (such as dropping time, reaching the podium, or making cuts). However, in youth development, focusing on process goals: controllable, actionable behaviors, is a far more effective strategy. The research backs this approach: process goals reduce anxiety, increase consistency, and allow athletes to measure success even when the result isn’t perfect. (For more, see USA Swimming’s “Foundations of Coaching for Swimmers and Parents,” which emphasizes that process goals “allow the swimmer to experience success regardless of the overall outcome.”)

How my coaches modeled process-first leadership:

• Scott Young always emphasized the “how” over the “how much.” In conversations with Scott, his mantra was: “Set your process targets, then let outcomes follow.” He taught us to define small, daily "controllables" and measure them. He believed that written, objective, deadline-oriented goals amplify focus.
  
  
• Jeff Maxwell reinforced the importance of being present in every repetition. When Jeff coached, he would often say, “Make each stroke matter.” His approach was not about pushing distance, but about making every yard count through mindful technique, clarity of cue, and full engagement.
  
  
• Chuck Warner hammered exactly that: consistency of effort. He didn’t celebrate only the big sets or hero workouts; he cheered the kid who showed up, did every rep, never skipped a length, and applied technique cues day after day. Over time, small disciplined habits accumulate.
  
  
• Jerry Adams is my go-to when we talk about racing: he taught me how to stratify training so that meets weren’t a surprise. He shows me how you can train race segments (breakouts, pacing, finishes) in practice so that the competitive environment feels familiar. He designs “mini-race” sets in practice, consisting of 20 & 15-yard repeats at race pace, to embed the feel of the race.
  
  
• Larry Van Wagner reinforced precision. Not just doing the work, but doing it the right way. Larry would stop a swimmer mid-set if their catch deviated, if their body line drifted, or their tempo slipped. He said, “A sloppy 1,000 doesn’t beat a precise 100.” That insistence on exactness paid dividends when the muscles fatigued midway through the meet.
  
  
• Bob Clemmer: What I learned from Bob was the importance of balance: how to calibrate rest, technical work, and aggressive sets so that a young swimmer learns to work effectively. His voice reminded me that while we want growth, we must respect maturation, recovery, and mental freshness.
  
  

From these voices, I often tell parents: Do not judge the season by meet times alone. Judge it by improved technique consistency, better pacing awareness, underwater kicking, cleaner turns, and more confident starts. Those are the milestones you won’t always see on the scoreboard, but they signal real development.

Process Goals: Concrete, Athlete-Friendly Examples

Here are examples I often give to swimmers, informed by the above coaching practices:

• Streamline off every wall with intentional focus (Jeff Maxwell and Larry Van Wagner, emphasizing precision).
  
  
• Remember your stroke & kick count on every repeat (Scott Young’s focus on process).
  
  
• Complete 95% of sets within the prescribed interval (Chuck Warner’s consistency of effort).
  
  
• Execute a perfect breakout & underwater kick count on race simulation sets (as emphasized by Jerry Adams in racing).
  

These are measurable, specific, and fully within the swimmer’s control. Parents can reinforce them by asking, “Which process goal did you pick this week?” and acknowledging effort: “I saw you pushing to hit that tempo set even when tired.”

Setting Process Goals with Your Child: A Simple Workflow

1. Ask the coach for one process goal for the next 1–2 weeks (e.g., “better streamline and x number of kicks off the wall,” or “maintain technique on main-set.”)
   
   
2. Track it simply (journaling, stickers, short email to coach, quick reflection at night)
   
   
3. Celebrate consistency and effort, even if time drops don’t come immediately
   
   

Delayed Gratification: Why Patience Matters Even (Especially) in the "Click Generation."

In today’s world of instant rewards, likes, streams, and fast food, teaching children to delay gratification feels almost countercultural. Yet foundational research (e.g., the essence of the infamous “marshmallow test”) still holds: learning to tolerate short-term discomfort for long-term reward is a trainable skill.

Within swimming, we have a built-in laboratory for this. A six-week kick emphasis won’t show in time immediately, but it can make the difference in the last 50 yards of a race later in the season. I often draw on Jerry Adams’ philosophy: “You live the race in practice first.” If you train yourself to manage discomfort, you'll do it more effectively when it matters. "Get comfortable being uncomfortable."

Parents can help by:

• Explaining the why: “We’re doing extra underwater work now so you can push harder at the end of the 100 free in two months.”
  
  
• Modeling patience: Share your own delayed goals, such as saving money, progress in fitness, or career growth, and the small setbacks that come along the way.
  
  
• Minimizing immediate distractions: On days around big sessions (or taper), limit screen use, encourage rest, and frame it as part of the process. Dave Durden at Cal doesn't allow his athletes to play video games during the taper. 
  
  

Interestingly, some recent studies nuance the original marshmallow test, showing that environmental trust and socioeconomic context influence how children make choices. However, the principle remains strong: in the pool, we offer a trusted and predictable environment where delayed effort is rewarded (if not immediately, then cumulatively).

Aligning Expectations: The Trifecta of Coach, Athlete, Parent

When expectations diverge between the coach, athlete, and parent, frustration can ripple. Here is the alignment framework I recommend:

1. Ask for a short development plan. Coaches can share a 4–6 week block focus (e.g., “underwater work + tempo sets + pacing focus”) so parents and swimmers see the roadmap.
   
   
2. Talk about "controllables." After practice or a meet, discuss the process: “You held your underwater kick goal every lap? Great.” rather than “You should’ve beaten John/Sally.”
   
   
3. Adopt a meeting rhythm with coaches. Even a 10-minute monthly check-in, what’s working, process goals, and parent support, helps build trust and a shared vision. I have long used a program called “Coffee with the Coach” to help parents feel comfortable speaking with our staff.
   
   
4. Normalize plateaus and setbacks. Every swim season has them. When times stall or drop off, view them as data. Chuck Warner’s consistency, for example, taught me that persistence through slumps often precedes breakthroughs.
   
   

A coach who uses data, such as splits, stroke counts, and consistency measures, helps parents see trends beyond raw time drops. When a swimmer holds pace across multiple sets or maintains consistent stroke counts despite fatigue, that is progress.

Support Strategies

• Sleep & nutrition first. Recovery is the soil in which performance grows.
  
  
• Emphasize attendance. Frequent practice is what separates transient gains from lasting ones.
  
  
• Discuss process goals. Ask your swimmer, “Which process are you working on now?” and acknowledge attempts.
  
  
• Limit screen time near big sessions. Help remove distractions, encourage focus, and rest.
  
  
• Volunteer. Swim programs often rely on parent support, particularly in areas such as officiating, timing, logistics, and meets. That frees coaches to coach.
  
  

The Long Game

If I could leave you with one request, it would be to trust the process. The pool is a small, often unforgiving place, but it’s exactly where kids learn to manage discomfort, build fitness that lasts decades, and internalize discipline, teamwork, and resilience.

From Scott Young’s insistence on process clarity to Jeff Maxwell’s present-moment focus, from Chuck Warner’s mantra of consistency to Jerry Adams’ race-driven training, from Larry Van Wagner’s precision demands to Bob Clemmer’s emphasis on balance, each coaching voice added a layer to my philosophy. Taken together, they illustrate that performance excellence is built stroke by stroke: one repeat, one cue, one adjustment at a time.

To parents: Be the calm, consistent voice behind your swimmer. Ask thoughtful, process-oriented questions. Celebrate the small wins. And when times stall, lean into the fact that growth is rarely linear in our sport.